As far as I know, I have been far away from home for a long time and the comfort of a home cooked meal brings me more joy than a brand new shirt in my closet. Ever since only few people remember to give me a present during my birthday and Christmas, so most of the time, I spoil myself with fancy things, which I don't need. I please myself from the smile I bring to people whenever I go home giving them stuffs from places I travel to. It's kinda nice, but at the end of the day, when you sit down all alone thinking, 'what about me?’ Well who would bother, since they see you with new stuffs all the time give you something right? I can clearly remember when my friend Don surprised me with a new shoe during my last visit to Singapore. I am pretty much sure that he saved his hard earned money just to get me that shoe. I was speechless actually. People whom you never expect would surprise you have more meaning than the thing itself.
Being away from home doesn't only give you liberty to do whatever you decide to do. It makes you appreciate every single thing you have been missing out on and give value to everything around you. As soon as you notice things moving further away from you, you start to jump back right in and catch up. I think that's when home sickness kicks in. This never really happened to me until I met a few friends who seem to be perfectly happy back home. It got me thinking, what if I just go home and live their lives? The point where I almost lost the good thing I had in hand. Few days passed, I am missing my mom, sister, and my newly met niece and nephew. It struck me, that these people are more important than my personal desires. More than I know, people are expecting me to live up to what they see of me. That if I fail, I fail not only myself but also their dreams for me.
Quite surprising how timid I have become now, I used to talk so much, because that's my job, interview people, approach a crowd, be spontaneous. I wonder where it all went to. I realized I just figured out how to control my emotions better now. Talk when needed and only answer when asked. I learned that it’s better to keep still in the corner and analyze the surroundings than throw yourself in the crowd full of predators. Trust me, people are made selfish. They look at you and they know what they want from you. If you look so pushy, they will definitely squeeze every drop of gold you have in your system. Sounds so pessimist right? Well maybe, but that's how life is. My best asset maybe my element of surprise, just when they think they can push you around, they end up being in awe with how much toxins you have in your skin. Better that way, at least you only do harm to people who hurts you.
You'll be surprised how life passes you by. It's either you go with the pace or get stuck living your life in the past just thinking about how life was so much better before. Life doesn’t get any easier, you have to continually prepare yourself for the next wave of challenge that will level you up and mold you to a better person OR watch others bask in the glory of their success. Everybody has their own story to tell, how do you want people to remember you? Usually as much as we want to say that we are happy, there are just some moments when you long for something you don't have.
I am living a totally different life now with all new people. It's like a brand new me. Only thing left of me is my family and a few good friends -made me understand that blood is definitely thicker than water. But most of the time, people who sticks till the end are the ones we neglect in the beginning. I am pretty sure that in another 5 years, nothing will be the same. So this is what I always remind myself, I need to constantly improve on a day to day basis so that I will be happy in the next 5 years. I am done living a life of disappointments, and I can say that we all have to continuously work for what we want to make us happy. Every emotion is transit, whether it be hatred, love, contentment, etc... Hence, don't let complacency pull you down. When life gives you time to rest, that's probably the best time to gear up. Cause the challenge never ends. Things usually strike us by surprise, and believe me, I will never ever let it put me down again.
The year is almost finished, about 16 days from now. Yet I am ready to close this year with my face up high thankful for all the blessing I have received. It wasn't merely luck, but a twist of faith I constantly maintain. No New Year resolutions for me because every day I change myself. I see every sunrise is an opportunity to make my life better.
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